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super bowl commercials

February 3, 2009

i am a sports purist. i hate big games if only because of all the drama and pageantry.  i don’t see the point of pre-game, half-time, and post-game concerts.  i find the need for having half of the former players and every photographer in the u.s. at midfield for the coin toss asinine.  i loathe the crowd that is brought on to the field to jump around for the concert-dejour in hopes that i’ll be fooled into thinking that i am at a concert instead of a football game.  generally speaking, i just can’t stand anything that consumes your attention and detracts from the significance of the game.  i understand that the nfl does all of this to try to bring and capture the attention of those who otherwise would not care about the game.  i understand that there are millions that watch the game just for everything else besides the game.  i also understand that i’m never going to be able to change it, but i just want a game.  give me a good game (and i got one this year!).  if the millions that would rather be at a broadway show don’t watch it, so what?  it’s a football game.  if they don’t want to watch it, fine.  they don’t have to.

rant aside, there is one non-football aspect to the super bowl i enjoy:  the commercials.  before i go on i have to be clear about something.  commercial time is time to go to the bathroom or reload my plate/bowl/drink.  as great as the super bowl commercials are, they still take a backseat to gluttony (and that’s what dvr and hulu.com are for).  assuming my bladder is relatively empty and my plate is full, i truly enjoy most commercials.  the last several years have had a few good ones and a few bad ones.  this year was no exception.  my thoughts on some of the individual commercials follow.

top three:

1.  bud light – swedish conan.  quite simply, anything with conan is destined to be hilarious.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

2.  pepsi max – “i’m good.”  pain is funny.  pain several times is several times funnier.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

3a. monster.com – moose desk.  the guy is sitting in between the moose’s legs.  hilarious.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

3b. e-trade – baby with the golden pipes.  the baby pretty funny.  add another baby and use the phrase “golden pipes” and you’re in business.  good stuff.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

the bz honorable mention (in no particular order):

now for the commericals that were failures in my eyes:

  • castrol – grease monkeys.  i just don’t get it.  it wasn’t funny.  i’ve watched it several times and it’s just not funny.
  • coke commercials.  i thought these were mildly clever at best, but not overly entertaining or relevant.  a guy napping on a spring/summer day while bugs take his coke bottle airing while the midwest is stuck under a foot of snow and ice and most of the country is very cold.  it just doesn’t seem like the right time to air a summer time ad.
  • godaddy.com.  okay.  here’s the deal.  danica patrick is NOT hot!  she’s not.  period.  end of discussion.  here’s why people are sometimes fooled into thinking she’s hot.  sandwich her in between aj foyt iv and tony kanaan and yeah she looks pretty good.  but sandwich her in between heidi klum and marisa miller and she’s just another pretender.

pick the hot one and danica gets picked every time (except by mrs. foyt iv and mrs. kanaan)

pick the hot one and danica never gets picked.  ever.

danica is not hot.  please go daddy (and sports illustrated and the irl), stop trying to make her hot.

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i’m a rock star!

January 13, 2009

little girl zurcher was eating lunch.  i had already finished so i was doing some dishes while waiting for the slowest eating three year old in the world to finish her food.  i’m putting a dish in the dishwasher and she says, “dad look!  i’m a rock star!”  as she says this she is doing her best air guitar.

it was one of those moments in a parent’s life where you wish you could keep a video camera trained on her 100% of her life just so that you can catch these things.  not only was it funny, but there was no music on and we haven’t played rock band in a long time.  where she came up with it i have no idea.

every day i love this girl more and more.

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new years resolution: going green

January 8, 2009

ah…

the holidays are over and it’s time to get back to life as usual.

you did indeed read the title correctly, i’m going green.  it’s time for me to jump on the green bandwagon and do my part to help save the planet.  i’ve resolved not only to live in a greener fashion, but to help promote green living to all my readers as well.  so here is lesson one:

SAVE THE EARTH!  DON’T SEND HOLIDAY CARDS AND LETTERS!

chances are that if you are reading this you spend a decent amount of time on the internet.  i’m betting that you’ve seen e-cards, e-mail, and v-mail.  studies* show that pictures of children, families, and pets dressed in holiday outfits are just as cute through a digital format as they are when ink is wasted and trees are killed to place an identical image on a piece of paper.  the tragic truth is that your christmas letter, the one that you spent three nights writing instead of spending time with your loved ones; the one that you sent out to everyone else that you love – but not enough to talk to more than once a year – each letter/card is read and then tossed right in the circular file.  just like that.  right in the trash.  if the recipient “really” loves you, they will put your letter on the refrigerator and wait until january 3 to throw it away.  it’s hard to read.  i know.  i’m sorry, but the truth must be told.

try as best as you can for just a second to stop your crying, rid yourself of the intense emotions i have just evoked and think about this logically.  if your clever letter and cute pooch are going to be added to the top of a giant heap of holiday hogwash, couldn’t you just send an electronic version of it?  if your electronic letter is going to be trashed, at least it won’t take up space in the landfill.  furthermore, if you send an electronic holiday greeting there is a better chance that your greeting will be saved to the recipient’s hard drive or saved in their email account.  if your letter is going to take up space, shouldn’t it be junking up someone’s hard drive or server than an actual junk heap?

i beseech you.  please follow my advise and help our dying planet by sending your holiday greetings through an electronic medium.  mother earth (and future generations) will thank you.


*  i asked three people and they agreed with my “pictures of …are just as cute…” comment.  for this blog, that is as good as “studies.”

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kanye on snl

December 14, 2008

so i have snl on as background noise as i eat second dinner and catch up on some internet reading/surfing.

is kanye always this bad?  i’ve heard some really bad performers on snl before, but he is terrible.  wow.  i’m not sure what else to say.  i’ve really only seen kanye on tv twice – tonight and the most ridiculous live television performance ever:

i can’t get enough of watching mike myers and the look on his face as kanye deviates from the script.

also, speaking of fun comments on tv, an infomercial just started after snl.  they are featuring four actual coins with barak obama painting on them.  these things are always really lame, but this features some salesman and montel williams and they sound like they are ad-libbing.  almost no script, or at least they haven’t rehearsed it.  it’s just terrible.  they are really working to come up with some exciting reasons why you have to collect these.  they are excited about the hawaii coin because “many people don’t know that president obama is the first president born in hawaii.”  is there anyone who would want to collect obama anything that does not know that he’s from hawaii?

in montel’s intro i caught a line that i wish i could hear again.  he’s talking about history being made.  he’s trying to stress the historical significance of the election and he said something to the effect of “…for the privileged few who have been fortunate to go to a museum…”

apparently having visited many museums so far in my life, i have unknowlingly reached the elite level of “privileged few.”

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a sad day for illinois

December 9, 2008

i’ve decided that i will never run for governor of illinois.  i’m starting to think the office is cursed.  apparently you have to sign a document saying that, regardless of party affiliation, you will promise to use your office to force businesses and/or constituents into illegal activity.

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how dare they? indianapolis buys 85 camry hybrids!

December 9, 2008

the indianapolis star posted a piece on friday that i would like to comment on.  the mayor’s office announced on friday that they had contracted to purchase 85 vehicles for the police department.  they are to be used by “police detectives and administrators.”   after narrowing down their options, the two choices they chose from were the malibu hybrid from chevy and the camry hybrid from toyota.  the mayors office chose the camry.  with the well documented problems the “big 3” are going through, vocal locals have been very loud with their protests.  since friday, many folks from the area are livid about the decision to go with the foreign vehicle that has a higher price tag.

there are two main arguments that i’ve heard and i intend to comment on them.

first, the lesser of the two arguments, and the one that i’ve heard less about.  local democrats are upset saying that the mayor’s office is frivolously wasting taxpayor’s money.  the basis of their argument is that the camry is costing upfront $1,700 more than the malibu would.  their calling for a formal inquiry to see if there was any misconduct.  they are also alleging that purchase was made because the dealership’s owner has been known to give to the republican party.

the second indy star article that i linked to spells out the “defense” pretty well and i don’t really have anything to add.  it’s just so stupid that some people find it necessary to try to discredit members of the other party.  there is a time and a place for that sort of thing, but not in this situation.  i’m sure that before it’s said and done, mayor ballard will try to do something that will be much more controversial than this.  when he does, then go after him.  but when he chooses a vehicle that only costs $1,700 more, but gets much better gas milage, has a lower cost of ownership, can be delivered quicker, and looks better (of course the last one is just my opinion), what is there to complain about?  why don’t they work on something else.  there is plenty of work that needs to be done on the mass transit proposals, city infrastructure, crime prevention, etc.  indy democrats – stop wasting your time and do something productive.

second, and much more vocal, is the mass of people who are up in arms about the government purchasing foreign vehicles and therefore not supporting american and hoosier workers.

seriously?  really?  you are mad at the mayor because he made a fiscally responsible decision, choosing the better deal on the better car?  local friends of the automakers are mad because gm has a plant in indianapolis that makes parts for the malibu.  they contend that by not purchasing the malibu, the mayor’s office is contributing to the uaw workers losing their jobs even quicker than what is at this point inevitable.

here is my take plain and simple – there are lots of americans who like and are loyal to the american brands.  that’s great.  but there are even more who have owned an american car, have fussed with an american car, have hauled their car to the shop, paid for unnecessary repairs, and have experienced a higher price of ownership on a car that depreciate faster than many foreign cars.    for years the big 3 had produced the better car and americans responded with the purchasing decisions.  when the big 3 became complacent and decided they didn’t need to try any longer, the american consumers responded with their purchasing decisions.  it’s that easy.  instead of complaining that people won’t buy your cars, build better ones!  this is consumer based capitalistic economics 101.  apparently, it is easier for the big 3 to rely on their employees’ ability to bully rather than their employees’ ability to think innovative.

i thought it would be fun  to play a quick math game (i love being a nerd!).  the uaw workers in indianapolis are upset because their companies are in such dire straits that they must ask the government for $25,000,000,000 and the local government thinks that now is the time to buy a foreign brand.  they talk as though those 85 vehicles are essential to keeping gm afloat.  so i got to thinking.  let’s say, for arguments sake, that all of the $24,000 from the sale of the hybrid malibu goes straight to gm’s bank.  let’s see what that would do.  85 malibu’s at $24,000 per totals $2,040,000.  at that rate – again assuming that each of those dollars goes straight to gm – it would take only 12,255 more purchases of the same size to give the big 3 the amount of money they are asking for from the federal government.

wow.

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rosie o’donnell live

December 4, 2008

i saw yesterday that rosie’s attempt at the 70‘s style variety show bombed…badly.

that’s too bad.  i saw all the teasers for it over the three or four week period leading up to it and thought it looked very entertaining.  and seriously, anything that opens with a sketch with liza minnelli is sure to be a winner, right?  unfortunately i missed it due to…um…unforeseen circumstances.  see…my dog ate my remote and i can’t turn the tv on without the remote.

actually i had to work so i wouldn’t have been able to watch it anyway.  i can assure you, however, that had i been home, there is no way i would have watched that.

who pitched that idea and who was the network exec who said, “that sounds like a great idea!  that’s what network programming has been missing for the last 30 years.  retro is cool right now so what’s better than retro reality tv?!”  they should be fired…unless it’s jack from 30 rock.  he’s just dumb enough that he could find a way to get away with it.

i can’t get the fairly dumb insult out of my head – um…the 70’s called and they want their variety show back.

my prayer tonight:  please god, don’t let them bring rosie back for a second episode.